MG: story time here too

Cara's Story Time post touched my heart and settled there. i've been turning her story over and over in my head since i read it. i ache for her pain and admire what she did in the face of expectation. but at this moment, the deepest impression lies in the fact she told the story. i think most of us guard our difficulties with feelings akin to shame. it's a way to protect ourselves; it's what we are asked to do--hide our sweat and tears; smile to the world; stiff upper-lip.

finding our way in life--to meaningful days, to who we want to be--is messy. such storytelling is comfort for both tellers and hearers, so here is another...

once upon a time, there was a smart little girl. she took college classes while still in high school, finished university with a double major, honors, and a thesis in three years, then promptly received a fellowship to graduate school in her field of interest. she had known since the age of 17, since the first class in that subject, what she wanted to study, so off she went.

there was a problem though. this little girl was closely and pathologically conditioned about who she is and is not allowed to be, what she is and is not allowed to have. a part of her was broken, the way horses are broken.

nine years later, she is still fighting--tooth and nail--for that PhD. by the end of this semester, she has to take the next step or this path is closed to her forever. this is still what she wants to do with her life, her time: an academic, an explorer of unknowns, a discoverer of truths, a promoter of knowledge. making sense of chaos. for what could we accomplish without first knowing, and what could we not accomplish if we were to understand. but taking that next step might be more than she is able.

there it is, and here i am.